That isn’t where that goes…

All humans, being live organisms, have sensitivities. These sensitivities differ between the sexes and between individuals. Long story short, having very handsy children with incredibly pointy fingers, I always make sure to buy heavy-duty, bomb-resistant, brassieres. The kind that stand up by themselves long after they’ve been taken off and, in my case, sloppily left on the bathroom floor.

One morning recently, as we were getting ready for school drop-offs, I heard a strange meowing sound coming from the bathroom. As I walked towards the sound the big one walked out of the bathroom, wearing the previously mentioned item of clothing on her head to make a delightful pair of cat ears, happily meowing to herself.

It was incredibly amusing and will definitely be remembered for an appropriate embarrassing moment in her future.

Tactlesness

I’ve been reading up on Asperger’s Syndrome in girls which is an incredibly interesting topic to me, strangely enough. One thing that is very hard as the parent of girls on the spectrum is teaching them what is/isn’t appropriate to say and do, whether it’s at home, out with friends or around total strangers. The hardest part is that you really have to pick it up at the time that it happens (like when you’re training a puppy) or the discussion about appropriate behaviour becomes irrelevant to the kids. The next hardest part (especially with the big one at the moment) is explaining the situation in a way that doesn’t damage her ego (as I’ve explained previously, the big one is incredibly sensitive this year and most corrections are received by her as if I’ve just explained that she is THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH – it’s quite distressing as a mother to be looked at by your child as if you’ve just verbally abused her).

Here is an example of some of the issues we’ve had recently:

At a playground, the little one walked up to a complete stranger (male) and head(face)butted him in the hip. The big one told her Kung Fu teacher that his voice sounded strange (it sounded the same as always to me). He explained that it was his normal voice so she told him that he has a strange voice. I explained that that was not exactly a polite thing to say, her response: “Well it ISSS"

At a one-year-old’s birthday party, while saying goodbye to the parents, the little one poked the mother in the belly (she’s still carrying a bit of extra weight – as many of us do after having kids) and asked if it was another baby. Luckily my friend is good with kids and very matter-of-fact so she explained that it wasn’t a baby, just some fat
 * I actually really appreciate that since ‘fat’ has become such a dirty word in our society, I’m trying to de-stigmatise it in my home. The last thing I need is 2 Aspie girls who are scared of fat. 

 My sister recently quit smoking and the big one was harping on at her about how she kept telling her to quit. My sister explained that, as an adult, her decisions are her own (fair enough) but the big one kept at it until I told her to stop. Roundabout explanations just don’t work.

And that’s all just in the last fortnight.

I’ve had to teach the little one to stop describing strangers when she sees them in the street (eg, ‘That man is very WIDE’). The big one used to point and yell when she saw smokers in public (‘That person is SMOKING!!! THAT’S BAAAAAD’).

I will keep working on them. Hopefully one day they’ll learn to keep their thoughts in their heads until an appropriate time comes up…

Just a quick one today

Still very busy despite hoping to have more time. School holidays are quite demanding!

Had an amusing moment just a few minutes ago. We have a sausage dog, Daisy, who intensely dislikes men. She tolerates Husband and one of our male friends well but any other males who come near the house are met with angry barking and an anxiety-ridden dog.

Husband and I spent the morning shopping. It was very overdue as neither of us enjoys getting new clothes. Husband decided to try on one of the T-shirts that he bought when we got home and Daisy had a fit, almost literally, and went barking mad.

Even our dogs don't like change.

It has been a long time

I haven’t had much of a chance to write as the start of school this year has been a bit of a journey for the family. I am not working for the first time since having kids, the little one has started primary school, the big one has moved into a grade 3/4 class (which means that she is no longer one of the ‘big kids’ and it’s also one of the years where girls take a big step in their interpersonal development) and husband continues to work full time.

It doesn’t help that we have had one of the hottest summers recorded in Melbourne. At least the school is fairly well equipped for temperature control but once the girls get home they get uncomfortably hot and have trouble sleeping because of these ridiculously hot days we’ve been having. I am currently hoping that this is the last week of 30 degree days for the year but I’m not holding my breath.

The little one is taking her time to settle in to school. She struggles with the noise and having to concentrate while others are being distracting to her. There have been a few meltdowns, mostly brought on by a combination of tiredness and confusion. She doesn’t like not knowing what’s going on and once her frustration level hits saturation point it manifests in big tears rolling down her cheeks. At least she’s not a screamer or a hitter (yet), although we have recently discovered that she bites her handheld digital game when it doesn’t do what she wants. We are all keeping a close eye on her at the moment. Husband and I have become more strict with bedtime and I am in fairly constant contact with her teacher (this is one of the reasons why I chose not to work at the start of this year, I wanted to be available for her while she’s settling in).

The big one is dealing with the devastating reality that she is not always going to be the one with the best/most popular ideas. Her teacher has a democratic system in their class and there have been a few situations where things have needed to have the highest number of votes. On these occasions, her ideas have not always won which has led to her feeling dejected. I’ve been working with her on this topic and we’ve spoken about the fact that a popular vote doesn’t reflect on her as a person but that, for whatever reason, her idea at that particular time wasn’t what most people wanted. I’m interested to see how she goes over the course of this year. It’s a big one for girl’s mental/social development and I’m worried that the big one is already showing some signs that she may be lagging behind her peers. That may just be the overprotective mother in me, however, never wanting to see my daughter disappointed or upset.

I’m hoping to start writing more regularly now that the routine is settling down. I have a back-log of stories and tidbits that I would like to share but that’s all for now. It’s too darn hot in the study.

The crazy things we find ourselves saying

To the big one:

You can't just leave your sister tied up with a skipping rope in the tree-house. Go back outside!

The joys of the holiday season

It is a genuinely fun time for our family. We enjoy getting new toys and books, seeing the extended family and we’ve had quite lovely weather recently.

However, being on the Autism Spectrum adds another level of challenge. There are unexpected late nights, some very early mornings, entire days spent away from home, difficulty finding a quiet space to unwind and all the extra noise and bustle that comes with the time of year we just left behind. 

The girls and I are still recovering from the fairly constant movement and socialising that came with the month of December (there was a record number of birthday parties to go to in the lead up to the family Xmas eve dinner). It’s interesting to witness the strain we're still under because things will seem fine for a while then something breaks the fine film of ‘normality’ that we’ve put over our frazzled inner-selves and suddenly there’s meltdowns, tears, whining, yelling and wanting to fall asleep on the couch at 8pm (and that’s just me).

Because the girls handle themselves so well, I often forget how sensitive they are. This morning I destroyed the peace when the girls were playing with the digital toys their Opa gave them. The big one has become a fan of using the digital video camera built in to the device and making mini-documentaries around our house. In recent days, she has created a series about our dogs and their constant fight against evil, today she filmed herself running around the house pretending to be a) the potential victim of a child-eating monster or b) the monster chasing the child. If she ever puts the films together, sound effects will need to be added or it might get confusing for the viewer. So, I was in the kitchen, unpacking the dishwasher and I could hear the big one making another doco. She was wondering through the house commenting on what she could see and was getting quieter as she came closer to the kitchen. I assumed her purpose was to sneak up on me for a surprise attack (possibly the monster from earlier had an increase in appetite?). I thought I could be funny (HA) and sneak up on her instead. I hid behind the fridge, waited until I knew she was right next to the doorway, jumped out and yelled ‘boo’ (or something of the kind). This resulted in the big one squealing and running into the bathroom to hide and the little one screaming very loudly and bursting in to tears. Not the result I was looking for. It took ten minutes to get the little one to calm down.

After recovering from their terrifying mother, the girls went outside to play and the afternoon was a mixture of wonderful, inventive games, getting along really well and soul-searing shrieks with occasional accusations or threats. There was happiness, grumpiness and, eventually, some quiet time on the couch watching an insipid TV show about Dinosaurs with an annoying American man who doesn’t seem to pronounce anything correctly.

I think we’ve still got some holiday-fatigue recovery to do. The next week in Melbourne looks to be quite a hot one so I am guessing that there will be a considerable amount of lying around in front of the air conditioning unit. Hopefully that helps.