Tactlesness

I’ve been reading up on Asperger’s Syndrome in girls which is an incredibly interesting topic to me, strangely enough. One thing that is very hard as the parent of girls on the spectrum is teaching them what is/isn’t appropriate to say and do, whether it’s at home, out with friends or around total strangers. The hardest part is that you really have to pick it up at the time that it happens (like when you’re training a puppy) or the discussion about appropriate behaviour becomes irrelevant to the kids. The next hardest part (especially with the big one at the moment) is explaining the situation in a way that doesn’t damage her ego (as I’ve explained previously, the big one is incredibly sensitive this year and most corrections are received by her as if I’ve just explained that she is THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH – it’s quite distressing as a mother to be looked at by your child as if you’ve just verbally abused her).

Here is an example of some of the issues we’ve had recently:

At a playground, the little one walked up to a complete stranger (male) and head(face)butted him in the hip. The big one told her Kung Fu teacher that his voice sounded strange (it sounded the same as always to me). He explained that it was his normal voice so she told him that he has a strange voice. I explained that that was not exactly a polite thing to say, her response: “Well it ISSS"

At a one-year-old’s birthday party, while saying goodbye to the parents, the little one poked the mother in the belly (she’s still carrying a bit of extra weight – as many of us do after having kids) and asked if it was another baby. Luckily my friend is good with kids and very matter-of-fact so she explained that it wasn’t a baby, just some fat
 * I actually really appreciate that since ‘fat’ has become such a dirty word in our society, I’m trying to de-stigmatise it in my home. The last thing I need is 2 Aspie girls who are scared of fat. 

 My sister recently quit smoking and the big one was harping on at her about how she kept telling her to quit. My sister explained that, as an adult, her decisions are her own (fair enough) but the big one kept at it until I told her to stop. Roundabout explanations just don’t work.

And that’s all just in the last fortnight.

I’ve had to teach the little one to stop describing strangers when she sees them in the street (eg, ‘That man is very WIDE’). The big one used to point and yell when she saw smokers in public (‘That person is SMOKING!!! THAT’S BAAAAAD’).

I will keep working on them. Hopefully one day they’ll learn to keep their thoughts in their heads until an appropriate time comes up…